Bend It Like Beckham: The Coalition Government’s Olympic-Level Gymnastics to Amend the 2013 Constitution

 Ah, the Coalition Government—Fiji’s very own elite team of constitutional acrobats, determined to prove that when it comes to legal loopholes, they can twist, bend, and contort better than a Cirque du Soleil performer. Their latest act? A desperate, long-winded, and painfully elaborate attempt to find just the right technicalities to tweak the 2013 Constitution.

One might assume that constitutional amendments require, oh, I don’t know—broad political consensus, proper legal grounding, and perhaps even some moral legitimacy. But no, the Coalition Government has taken a far more sophisticated approach: a high-stakes game of "let’s reinterpret the law until it suits us."

Step 1: The Search for the Perfect Loophole

Ever seen a team of lawyers, politicians, and self-proclaimed legal scholars huddle together like detectives trying to crack an unsolvable case? That’s basically been the Coalition’s full-time job since taking office. With the 2013 Constitution conveniently requiring a referendum and a parliamentary supermajority for amendments, one would think they’d take a step back and respect the rules. Instead, they’ve adopted a "bend it like Beckham" approach—kicking around technicalities with the hope that one of them miraculously lands in the back of the net.

Step 2: Pretend the Rules Don’t Apply

Faced with the inconvenient reality that the Constitution is not, in fact, a rough draft, the Coalition has instead opted for the “creative interpretation” method. Who needs public consensus when you have a well-rehearsed press conference, a few constitutional advisors willing to squint hard enough at the text, and a good old-fashioned parliamentary filibuster?

Step 3: The Never-Ending Debate

Months (or was it years?) into this constitutional soap opera, the Coalition still hasn’t quite nailed down a strategy that doesn’t collapse under the weight of its own contradictions. Every time a bold new loophole is presented, legal experts, the opposition, and even the Constitution itself seem to respond with a collective “nice try.” But that hasn’t stopped them from trying again. And again. And again.

Step 4: Blame the 2013 Constitution for Existing

Of course, when all else fails, blame the document itself. According to the Coalition, the real issue isn’t their inability to follow legal procedures—it’s that the Constitution is “too rigid,” “too undemocratic,” and, frankly, “too inconvenient for their political ambitions.” Never mind that it was their job to work within its framework; instead, let’s pretend it’s the document’s fault for not bending itself into submission.

The Great Constitutional Limbo Continues

At this rate, we might as well start placing bets on how many more months (or years) this constitutional scavenger hunt will last. Will they ever find the perfect loophole? Will they exhaust the patience of the nation before they exhaust their legal tricks? Or will they finally admit defeat and attempt the radical idea of following due process?

One thing is certain—if the Coalition Government put as much effort into governance as they do into dodging constitutional realities, Fiji would already be a utopia. Until then, we can all sit back, grab some popcorn, and watch the next episode of Bend It Like Beckham: The Constitutional Edition.